


Walls

by Chelsea072498



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, language because it’s me…Dean is angry, lashes out. says things that may be triggers for some.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 02:18:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12925227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: Mary leaves the boys. Reader tries to help.





	Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Quick Info - Mary leaves the boys. Reader tries to help.  
> Word Count - 2883  
> Warnings - Angst, fluff, language because it’s me…Dean is angry, lashes out. says things that may be triggers for some.

## Walls

 

You hear Mary’s words and your heart breaks for Dean and Sam. You understand though. She lived in one world for over thirty years. Sam was a baby, Dean was a little boy, John was alive….She’s been thrown back into a world she isn’t prepared for. She isn’t ready for this.

    When the door slams, you see Sam flinch. You see the look on Dean’s face. You slowly walk into the room, gently rubbing Sam’s back as you walk past him. You continue to the brother who needs you. The brother who will walk away and grab his tumbler and bottle of whiskey.

    As you approach him, he does not look up. You see his face and gently touch his cheek. “Sweetie?”

    He turns to you. “I’m fine.”

    “No, you’re not.” You know him better than anyone.

    You are exactly like Dean.

    “(Y/N), I’m fine.” He tries to pull away from you, but you won’t let him. Not this time. Not without saying the words he needs to hear, even if he doesn’t want to.

    “I’m here, Dean. I’m not going anywhere.” You promise him.

    He looks at you, his beautiful eyes full of anger, sadness, confusion. The pain is what rips through you. You never want Dean to feel pain and you can’t seem to protect him from it.

    “Yeah, okay.”

    “Dean,” you touch his cheeks again and stare into his eyes. “I’m here. Whatever you need from me…I’m here for you.”

    He pulls away and walks toward his room. You turn to see Sam, hands in his pockets, eyes on the floor. You walk to him and take him into your arms.

    “I’m sorry, Sammy.”

    “I told Dean…I felt like something…”

    You felt it too. You didn’t know how to help. “Give her time, Sam. Mary just needs to adjust. She asked me for my phone number earlier. She asked me to show her how to use the phone. I entered everyone’s numbers. I told her that she could always pray to Cas….”

    Sam nods. “I know. I heard. Thank you. I feel like she’s scared to ask us.”

    “I’ll call her tomorrow and make sure she’s okay.” You promise. “I’m going to check on him.”

    Sam hugs you. “Thank you. For being here. Dean…”

    “He’s just like me, Sam. You know, I’m terrified the day will come when one or both of you leave me or hurt me but you’re my family and it’s worth the risk.” You kiss his cheek. “I know it won’t be easy, but try and get some rest.”

    You walk down the hall to Dean’s room and knock. He doesn’t respond so you open the door. He’s leaning against the headboard, his expression the same as earlier.

    “Dean, I know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better. I’m here though. If you want to scream or just watch a movie, or go for a walk, or…” He doesn’t move. You walk to him and kiss his forehead. “I’m here, Dean. I can stay or I can go to my room. You can text me or come to me….”

    He gently takes your hand. “(Y/N)?”

    “Yeah?”

    “Stay with me.”

    His lips move to yours. He’s gentle, slow, passionate, and you feel it in his kiss. He’s desperate. He wants something to hold onto. Your brain is screaming that this is not the way you should comfort your best friend. Your heart is torn. You’ve known Dean for six years. You’ve never kissed him, though you’ve wanted that and more. You pull away and see his face, his eyes, the need. He needs to feel wanted. He needs to feel cared for. Dean needs to feel he’s loved.

    It’s the most precious of nights for you. You know what it is, but you don’t care. Dean needs you. You take charge at first, worshiping his body over and over before he finally pulls you to him and takes control. You want to believe this is more. You can’t do that. You know Dean too well.

    He holds you in the darkness. He’s said nothing for hours. You close your eyes as you stroke his cheek. His fingers are gliding up and down your back. His lips kiss your forehead.

    “It’s time for you to go now.” Dean says.

    You sit up, a little sore from the experience and look at him. Dean does everything he can to avoid your eyes. You lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth. “You want something to drink? A snack?” He shakes his head no. “If you need me, you know where I am.”

    You don’t sleep. Your head is spinning. You know you’ve never really hidden your love for Dean. You’ve just never acted on it. Dean needed you. You were there.

    You go into the kitchen and start cooking breakfast. Sam pops in before his run and you can see he didn’t sleep much, if at all. He rejoins you later, a few seconds before Dean. Dean walks in, freezes, and speaks in a tone he’s never taken with you before.

    “What are the hell are you doing?”

    “I’m making breakfast. I do that sometimes.”

    “No one asked you to.” His deep voice has never sounded so cold when he’s speaking to you.

    “Dean, stop.” Sam pleads. “(Y/N/N)….”

    Dean gets his coffee and sits down. You turn around and set plates in front of them. Sam thanks you. Dean stares at his. “What the hell is this?”

    “Omelets, fried potatoes, toast…” You see his face. “I can make you something else.”

    “Why?”

    You don’t answer him. “Do you want pancakes? French toast?”

    He grabs his fork and starts eating. Sam gives you a look of concern. You turn away, fighting tears.

    “You’re eating, aren’t you?” Sam asks.

    You say nothing but shake your head. Your appetite is gone. You cut your omelet and give each brother half. You place the pan with the potatoes on the table, along with the plate of extra toast. You walk to the sink and start dishes.

    Dean asks about cases. Sam tells him there’s nothing. Dean tells him that maybe they should start looking for more about different Men of Letters chapters. You try and ignore them as you wash the dishes.

    Sam brings some of the dishes over. “Thanks for breakfast.”

    “Anytime.” You tell him. You turn and see Dean watching you. His plate is empty and you’re sure his coffee mug is also. You walk to the coffee maker, grab the pot and refill his mug. You see the potatoes are gone and dare to ask. “Would you like some more to eat?”

    “No,” Dean says.

    “I’ll grab the rest of these then. I’m going to the grocery store for….”

    Dean gets up and walks to the fridge. “We’ve got food.”

    “We have stuff for breakfast. We don’t have anything for meals, Dean.”

    “What the hell are you doing? You’re not freaking June Cleaver.”

    “I’m your friend.” You tell him. “Dean, I’ve been doing this for years and it’s never bothered you….”

    “You’re not our mother, (Y/N).” Dean’s face is full of rage, his eyes full of venom. “You can’t and won’t replace her!”

    “I’m not trying to!” You tell him. “Damn it, Dean, I’ve been doing this things for you for years! I did these things for a week before the last case and you never said anything.”

    “Dean, (Y/N), come on. We’re all just…..we need to calm down.” Sam tries. “Dean, don’t take things out on (Y/N/N). She’s here. She’s always here for us.”

    “This is what we do, Sam.” Your eyes lock with Dean’s. “Dean and I are cut from a very similar mold. The people we love, the people we need, they leave. Sam, you’re the exception for Dean, but that’s because you just don’t die.”

    “You have no idea what you’re saying.” Dean turns away from you. “You have no clue…”

    “My parents left when I was eight months old and never came back. I was a grown woman before I knew anything about them. They may have died later, but no…They just didn’t want me.”

    “Our mother died!”

    “I know that, Dean.” You step toward him. His back is still to you. “John died. Bobby, Charlie, Kevin….People you love died and it left you with a hole in your heart each time. People you care about have hurt you and it’s just made that hurt grow and walls go up. I know because I have those same walls.” You’re sobbing. “The only time those walls have come down are with you and Sam.”

    Dean turns and looks at you. “That’s your problem, Sweetheart.”

    “My walls were completely broken down with you last night.” You tell him.

    “Hey, don't….you said if I needed anything. I needed to get off.”

    Sam took a step toward the door. “This obviously…”

    “Don’t!” You tell him. “You stay here. Dean’s just trying to push me away. He expects me to leave. I’ve surprised him because I’ve stayed this long.”

    “You can read my mind now?”

    “How many times have I done something like this to you?” You ask. “How many times have you cut through my bullshit just to get me to tell you that I was scared, or felt stupid, or whatever.”

    “It’s not the same….”

    “Like hell it isn’t. You’re pushing me away because Mary left. I’m sorry, Sweetie. I know that hurts because this time, she choose to walk away. She’ll choose to come back, when she’s ready. I’m here, Dean. I’m always going to be here.” You reach for him and put your hands on his face. “I will never leave you.”

    “I….” Dean stops. “Damn it, you don’t know that. You could leave tomorrow…you could….” His hands move to your wrists. He gently moves your hands away.

    “I’m here for you,” You move closer. “Dean, I’m here for you. I’m here for Sam…”

    “So you’re going to fuck my brother tonight if he needs it.” Dean asks. “Far as I can see, that’s the only real use I have for you.”

    “Dean!” Sam moves toward you.

    “He doesn’t mean it, Sam.” You close your eyes. “He’s…”

    “I do mean it. Yeah, okay, having someone to cook for me is nice. Having someone to do my laundry is a bonus. After last night, I’m not sure why I never had you suck my dick in all the years I’ve known you.”

    You surprise yourself with the hand across his cheek. Your hands go over your mouth immediately. “I’m sorry!”

    “Truth hurts, don’t it, Sweetheart.” Dean looks at you. “You’re no use to me, or Sam, except as a housekeeper. And a fuck.” He looks at Sam. “Seriously man, six years and I had no idea what I was missing.”

    You turn away from him. You know what he’s doing. You’ve used words to push people away before also. You know he’s trying to say the meanest, cruelest things he can….

    “(Y/N),” Sam looks at you. “You need to leave.”

    “No,” You look at him. “Sam, no.”

    Sam is staring at his brother, still processing the things he’s said to you. “Dean obviously doesn’t get it. Mom hurt us last night by leaving. That doesn’t give you the right to turn around and hurt the woman who has been through hell with us….”

    “Maybe (Y/N) needs to see me for who I am!” Dean screams at Sam. “Maybe she needs to see the man I really am!”

    “Oh, I see that!” You look at him. “I see that every day. Dean, you are the best man I’ve ever known and will ever know. You’re so strong. You take on so much and you deal with it. You protect the people you care about it. That’s why you’re being such an asshole right now. You may not see me the way I see you, but you care for me. You think pushing me away is going to protect me.” His expression doesn’t change at all. “You’re smart, Dean. You are so brilliant. You read a book and you paint such a vivid description of what you’ve read. You pick up the research and….” You take a deep breath. “You’re not an asshole. Not really. You are compassionate. You really do care about people. You have so much love inside you…”

    “Love?” Dean asks. “I’m not capable of love! I don’t do love.”

    You look at Sam and then back to Dean. “You’re wrong, Dean. See this man over here? Sam is the man he is because of you! You carried him out of that burning house and you become his father, mother, everything. You were Sam’s whole life!”

    “Sam’s different. He’s…”

    “Sam knows how to love because of the love you gave him.” You dare to reach out to Dean again. “Maybe you think you’ve completely closed yourself off, but you haven’t. If you weren’t capable of love, you wouldn’t be hurting from last night. You love your mom and it broke your…”

    “Shut up!” Dean grabs your wrists again. “I don’t need my whore telling me things…”

    Sam had enough. He grabs you gently and looks in your eyes. “For your sake, I want you to go.” Sam has tears in his eyes. “You can call me anytime. I’ll always answer.”

    “I’m not leaving, Sam.”

    “Yes, you are.” Sam looks at his brother and then looks at you. “You’ve given Dean everything and he doesn’t appreciate any of it. You’re not a whore, a housekeeper, or someone he can turn on just because he’s pissed off and hurt. You’re a good person and you’ve been here with us through a hell of a lot. You deserve better than the way he’s treating you.”

    “Sammy, please.” You know he’s right, but the Winchesters are your family. “Sam….”

    He hugs you and whispers. “At least for a few days,” he pleads.

    You shake your head but you know that one, or both, may force you out. You look at Dean. “My phone will always be on.”

    He says nothing as he watches you leave. You run to your room and grab a bag. You throw enough in it for a week. You’ll ask Sam to get Dean out one day so you can get everything else. If that’s what they really want.

    You rush to your car and unlock the trunk. You drop your bag and sob at the realization that you are leaving. You promised him you wouldn't….You promised you’d stay. You slam the trunk and see a small beacon of hope.

    Dean’s standing by the driver’s side door. You see the tear falling down his cheek.

    “(Y/N),” He takes a step toward you. “I…”

    “What is it?” you ask. “Do you need something?”

    Dean nods. He opens his mouth but he can’t speak. Instead, he breaks down as he reaches you and pulls you into his arms. You hold him as he cries, squeezing you close to his body.

    “I’m here, Baby,” You tell him over and over. “Dean, I’m here.”

    “I need….you….” He looks in your eyes. “I never wanted to admit it because caring for people is a weakness and it makes them targets….” He closes his eyes. “You are one of my weaknesses.”

    “You’re my greatest.” You tell him.

    “I need you.” He tells you again. “I’m sorry I said what I did. You were right. I was scared and I wanted you to leave. If you leave, it’s easier to be angry and eventually not care, but,” Dean touches your face softly with the back of his hand. “I can’t let you go. I need you too much.”

    “I’m not going anywhere.” You tell him. “I didn’t want to…”

    “I know. I don’t think Sam intended on you leaving.” Dean kisses your forehead. “Sweetheart, stay with me. Help me.”

    “How? What do you need?”

    “I need your love.” Dean looks terrified. “I…I love you. I know that. I just don’t know how to love you.”

    “Yes, you do.” You smile at him. “You’re just scared to open yourself up. I know. I was terrified when I realized I fell in love with you.”

    “When was that?” Dean asked.

    You smile at the memory. “About two months after we met. I couldn’t sleep and you were awake reading. We stayed up all night talking and by the time Sam woke up, I knew I was in love with you. I was scared because I’d never let myself go there. I knew already that you weren’t exactly open to that…”

    Dean shook his head. “Could we have wasted anymore time?”

    “Probably.” You tell him. “What’s important is that we don’t waste what we’ve got. I’m not stupid. I know that something could happen to one or both of us. I also know that we’ve both got walls. I wasn’t lying. My walls are down now.”

    “Mine are getting there….”

    “No, Baby, they aren’t. You’ve got to work through this stuff with your Mom. You will. I know it. She’ll come back. It may not be easy but you’ll have to deal with it and work it out.” You take his hand. “I’ll be right there with you.”

    He kisses you softly. “Thank you.”

    “You don’t have to thank me. Just don’t push me away.”


End file.
